i kinda wanna whine about somnething bothering me, but it also doesn't real like something remotely important enough to complain about. like, being seen is a pretty normal inherent desire to have, but i'm also well aware my problems are fucking stupid. whats bothering me mostly right now is just how many comfort characters of mine are paired up in either fandom or just vaguely implied by the creators. not gonna say it's cringe because, like, you're on neocities. don't act like you haven't had a fictional crush before.

i know it's not really a big deal, but my brain doesn't really let me just IGNORE it. i want to ignore it because it bothers me, and it's media- not real life, but whenever i try to engage with a game or fandom, especially one i go to for comfort, i feel constantly worried i'm gonna encounter something that will upset me or make me uncomfortable. it'll be the only thing i can think about when i'm just trying to enjoy myself, especially when it's a ship that's super popular or seen as borderline canon. like, sebastian solace being "canonically married" to spite the fandom, or pure vanilla cookie cookie aggressively paired with white lily cookie (elderfaerie x white lily is vastly superior btw), or just the entirety of the ultrakill fandom making things weird. it's not that there's anything inherently wrong with it, just that i don't like it personally and i feel like i dont have a way to respectfully avoid it.

i try to keep that stuff out of my own writing for the same reason, because i don't empathetically like the notion it might ruin the vibe for someone with the same lowkey irritating jealousy towards a character they like. i know you can't go your whole life never encountering anything that will upset your sensibilities, unless you just do and make absolutely everything yourself, but it gets exhausting when i don't want to have to think about it yknow? sometimes you just wanna play your stupid cookie game and fantasize about holding hands with your favorite character.